As a woman who has been planning her wedding in her head since the age of about three, I honestly thought planning it in real life was going to be a lot easier than this. What the heck are wedding favours? Your nearest and dearest (and odd family members your Mum makes you invite to be polite) come to your do, eat posh food you've saved up for and generally have a great time and you're supposed to have little bag of chocolate next to their plate to take home? Is this to say thank you for coming? Or thank you for the lovely toaster? Why call them favours then? They're not favours. They are a measly bag of peppermint creams shaped like love hearts in a weird high-brow game of swapsies where you come away with a statue of Elvis from Debenhams.
In this day and age is there really any point to wedding presents? Most people getting married are already kitted out with the necessities for running a household. I remember when my friend Jess got married and I couldn't think for the life of me what to get her so I bought a photo frame. Original. And several companies are offering the wedding list service now, where the lady and gentleman pick their own presents and invite their guests to pay for them.
Do not get me started on gowns. I've been in so many shops I could probably start a bridal boutique from memory. And not one of the meringue monstrosities was worth the effort. I've even tried some on and to be fair, I did feel quite special and pleased with myself, but most wedding dresses are near enough the same as each other and I left school a long time ago so have no wish to go back to wearing a uniform.
And for some reason everyone and his dog has an opinion on weddings. I've been advised that I need to pick a dress I can pass on to my daughter for when she gets married (assuming one day I have a daughter), and accused of not wanting to "do it properly" because I wasn't looking at really expensive dresses. My favourite colour is bad luck for weddings. My favourite dress design won't suit me. I can't get married in winter because no-one will want to come. A religious ceremony will be too awkward. A religious ceremony is the only way to get married. Veil. Tiara. Veil and Tiara. Fascinator. Don't wear jewellery on your wedding day that costs less than £50. Wait till nearer the time to buy everything. Buy what I can little by little along the way to make it more affordable.
The most important day of my life may well be taking more important days off the end of my life!
